国外也有段子手:什么叫国际球星啊?

英超联赛
旺财体育讯:
小伙伴们各人好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层见叠出,武磊完成了在西班牙队首发进场,完成了中国球员在西甲联赛的初次首发。欧冠赛场,曼联主场不敌巴黎,皇马得胜阿贾克斯,热刺完胜多特蒙德,切尔西也在欧联杯得胜敌手。周末联赛,巴萨小胜敌手,皇马则遭赫罗纳逆转,尤文、米兰、国米和拜仁等球队则纷纭取胜。好了,话不多说,让咱们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

英超联赛
武磊首发,西班牙人0-0瓦伦西亚ColonelSpeckleberry(狼队球迷):如今可以说武磊等于西甲老大了!(Its Lei Liga now.)
HaraGG(未知客队球迷):武磊已是这赛季西班牙人队球衣发卖榜首了…(Wu Lei has sold more shirts than any other Espanyol player already this season.)

英超联赛
Kloppkult(利物浦球迷):坐等他们再签下司马懿和曹操!(ping me when they sign Sima Yi and Cao Cao.)
Tickub(泰国球迷):你这魏国的伪球迷,还不是看他们赢了才粉的!(Friggin’ Wei bandwagoners, only hopping on after they’ve won.)
英超联赛
英超联赛
天使两助攻,曼联0-2巴黎Postmandmelon(阿森纳球迷):桑切斯上半场的表示太牛了,不但没有失误,就连一次触球都没有呢!(What a wonderful first half from Alexis, not a single mistake and not a single touch.)
英超联赛
thesilentGinlasagna(西班牙球迷):如果我是曼联敌手的教练,我就直接把空间留给阿什利-扬,如许他不就能一直给咱们的后卫传球了嘛!(If I were coaching against United I’d just leave the wing open to Young so he could consistently cross to our defenders.)

英超联赛
_bajz_ 12(西班牙球迷):不太明白曼联这迷之传中这么多,而禁区里却只有桑切斯和马塔…(Honestly, I don’t know what United is trying to accomplish with all of those crosses while having Mata and Sanchez in the box.)
UniqueUsername_10(曼联球迷):咱们把费莱尼卖的太早了,如今还有点不适应…(We sold Fellaini too soon. No way wecan recover from this.)
英超联赛
Padisrer(切尔西球迷):曼联已在计划怎么在足总杯8-0击败切尔西了,所以这场竞赛才分了心!(United already to focused on beating Chelsea 8-0 in FA. So they don’t bother with this one.)
英超联赛
SexyMooli(未知客队球迷):布冯在场上好像实在没事干,已搬了个椅子在那里抽雪茄了…(Buffon might as well have brought out a cigar and a chair for all that he has had to do so far.)
Smrifire(切尔西球迷):当布冯初次欧冠进场的时分,拉什福德仍是个刚出生的婴儿呢!(TIL rashford was a newborn when Buffon made his CL debut.)
英超联赛
英超联赛
阿森西奥绝杀,皇马2-1阿贾克斯Trickybuz93(未知客队球迷):阿贾克斯要在中场休憩时买个先锋,是否是已来不及了?(Is it too late for Ajax to buy a striker at half break?)
Hunchovis(未知客队球迷):如今我有点担忧巴萨球迷的肉体情况了,进展他们看完这场球后一切安康…(Genuinely concerned about the mental state of Barca fans right now really hope they’re all ok.)

英超联赛
DarkSofter(曼联球迷):考虑到阿贾克斯的杰出表示,对2-1的比分肯定是不满意啊,更何况他们仍是那个1…(Ajax should have been sad even with a 2-1 lead considering how much they dominated till now, and somehow they are 1 down.)
Jeronn(阿贾克斯球迷):阿贾克斯不就如许,掌控竞赛、门前吐饼,最终被对方防反偷鸡成功…(This is how it feels to watch Ajax in Europe, dominate the game, miss all chances and eventually get a counter goal and lose the game.)

英超联赛
Mattiejj(阿贾克斯球迷):天才的战术啊,当咱们的左后卫前插进攻的时分,贝尔竟然来帮咱们解围了!(I like this strategy where Bale is covering the LB position so our LB can go forward, tactical genius.)
helloswros(未知客队球迷):经历了卡里乌斯以后
,贝尔就不把门将放在眼里了,随意甚么
地位都邑射门…(Even since Karius, Bale has lost all fear for goalkeepers, keeps shooting from everywhere.)

英超联赛
SexyMooli(未知客队球迷):没有甚么
能够磨灭皇马在欧冠里的主角光环!(Nothing can withstand Madrid’s plot armor in UCL.)
kokin33(希洪竞技球迷):在足球划定规矩里规定了皇马在欧冠禁止输球,就算踢成一坨翔也能赢!(I swear football rule just doesn’t let RM lose in the CL. They can do everything wrong and still win.)
英超联赛
孙兴慜进球,热刺3-0多特蒙德TwoPlankinWiz(曼城球迷):看来热刺在赢英超之前要先夺欧冠了!(Scenes when Tottenham win the Champions League before the PL.)
GwynethPaltrowsHea(热刺球迷):告知我,在伦敦唯一能看到欧冠的中央在哪里?(Tell me the ONLY place in London to watch Champions League football.)

英超联赛
StalkingDwarf(切尔西球迷):为甚么
每次我看拉梅拉的时分他就能酿成梅西…(I swear whenever I watch Lamela, he either turns into Messi.)
Mr_GinAndTonic(多伦多球迷):当孙兴慜归天的时分,他的墓志铭上将撰写着“多特蒙德之氪石”,并且仍是沙尔克球迷筹钱做的…(When Son dies, his gravestone will read “Dortmund’s Kryptonite” and Schalke fans will pay for it…)
BabaTheFrog(沙尔克球迷):我好想笑啊,可是咱们马上就要踢曼城了…(I want to laugh but we play City next week 🙁

英超联赛
Dun_Herd_muh(未知客队球迷):热刺应该告知孙兴慜,切实他们每一场踢的都是多特蒙德…(Tottenham should tell Son he’s playing against Dortmund every match.)
pzoDe(英格兰球迷):考虑到孙兴慜比来的形态,我觉得热刺已告知他这些了…(To be fair, I think they have, given his recent form!)

英超联赛
爆冷输球,阿森纳0-1鲍里索夫RunnerComet(鲍里索夫球迷):队员们做到了!他们不惧艰巨
,发明了历史!他们,竟然输给了咱们鲍里索夫!(Those madmans did it, they actually did the impossible, they against all odds… lost to us.)
sauce_murica(未知客队球迷):阿森纳这么起劲地输球,等于为了把公众视线从曼联输给巴黎的竞赛里移出来…(Arsenal working hard to take the focus off Man. United’s loss to PSG…)

英超联赛
2ndfastestmanalive(阿森纳球迷):问各人一个问题,你有没有推掉情人节计划,就为了来看这场球?(The question on everyone’s mind… did you postpone Valentine’s Day plans for this?)
VasiliiZaytsev(阿森纳球迷):还需要甚么
情人节计划吗?毕竟已有阿森纳足足草了我90分钟了!(Why do I need further plans for Valentine’s Day when Arsenal just fucked me hard for a full 90 minutes?)
sauce_murica(未知客队球迷):别蒙我了,我看了整场竞赛,阿森纳球员根本就不会前插,整场竞赛都不射啊!(We all watched that match. Don’t lie to us. Arsenal managed no penetration and failed to score.)
英超联赛
bo-tvt(阿森纳球迷):对阵阿森纳怎样半场就赢球?告知你些人生经验:1. 在你自己禁区里睡觉44分钟,归正阿森纳除了控球啥也不会干;2. 想方设法混个定位球,如许差不多就能进球了;3. 如果你想赢2-0,请重复上述内容。 (How to win a half football against Arsenal: 1. Take a nap in your penalty area for 44 minutes, Arsenal will not do anything with all the possession they’ll have. 2. Try to get literally one set piece, you’ll almost certainly score. 3. Repeat in the second half if you want to win 2-0.)

英超联赛
吉鲁进球,切尔西2-1马尔默OnlyOneSnoopy(切尔西球迷):我怀疑这场裁判在赛前把红黄牌忘在更衣室了…(I think this Ref has left his cards in the changing-room since the start of the game…)

英超联赛
VasiliiZaytsev(阿森纳球迷):切尔西帮咱们个忙吧!你要是也输了球,阿森纳就不会是今天唯一被讥笑的了…(Alright Chelsea do us a favour and fuck this up so Arsenal aren’t the only ones being mocked today)
Tizer_(切尔西球迷):今天是弱队逆袭的日子!鲍里索夫和切尔西都发明了历史!(Today is the day for small teams, Borisov and we’ve made histoty!)

英超联赛
梅西点射二中一,巴萨1-0巴拉多利德Anonymousloverboy(巴萨球迷):梅西是否是赛前在更衣室打了个飞机,这场简直等于贤者模式啊…(Did Messi have a wank in the dressing room right before the game? He looks so lost and distracted.)
THeScArYFAcE1(皇马球迷):巴萨这踢得就像一坨翔,真不知道该高兴仍是忧伤,因为巴萨最终仍是赢了球…(barcelona have been playing like shit , idk if i should be happy about that or sad because they’re still winning this game.)

英超联赛
Iciboy(布莱克本球迷):是否是外星人把梅西抢走了,而后留下一个凡人给咱们?(Did the Aliens take Messi for a day and replaced him with a human?)
Imperator91(葡萄牙体育球迷):苏亚雷斯恐怕是下注100欧元赌这场比分是1-0吧…(Suarez must have put €100 on the game ending 1-0.)

英超联赛
拉莫斯染红,皇马1-2赫罗纳graveyeverton93(埃弗顿球迷):巴萨已很尽力地往外扔西甲冠军了,但给皇马机遇你不中用啊!(Barcelona have tried their best to throw away the La Liga Title this season, and Real Madrid have still fucked it.)
immu_01(西班牙球迷):库尔图瓦最后时辰差点头球绝平,基本等于皇马下半场唯一的亮点了…(Courtois nearly equalising was RMs only highlight of the second half.)
英超联赛
JurijFedorov(西班牙球迷):赫罗纳比来13场竞赛,8负5平…(Girona last 13 matches: 8 lost, 5 drawn.)
Ronnatar(皇马球迷):你说职能部门,一届一届换了若干球队教练,换汤不换药啊!(Tell how many coaches we’ve changed but we had never once improved.)

英超联赛
JurijFedorov(西班牙球迷):当时皇马因为罗本伤病多就把他卖了,而后如今又留着贝尔…(I don’t get why they sold Robben because he was often injured, but then keep Bale.)
jMS_44(切尔西球迷):皇马又到了一年一度的“西甲踢出翔,欧冠奖杯扛”的时辰了!(Real with the typical “be shite in the league, then win CL” form?)

英超联赛
C罗迪巴拉进球,尤文3-0弗罗西诺内Sensate_ 14(未知客队球迷):天呐,我看到了甚么
?尤文已2-0领先了,竟然仍是踢守势足球?(I cant believe what i’m seeing. Juve are 2-0 up and actually playing attacking football & looking to score more goals.)
ManNamedBilly(曼联球迷):看到C罗搂住了迪巴拉,马塞洛在西班牙流下了伤心的泪水…(marcelo is crying somewhere in madrid over the hugs he gives Dybala.)

英超联赛
皮扬特克进球,AC米兰3-1亚特兰大Hootz224(未知客队球迷):卧槽,皮扬特克这进球,就像是在玩FIFA的时分在小角度随意一摁竟然进了…(What the fuck. This looks like some bullshit Fifa goal when you randomly press shoot from the most ridiculous angle.)
Romagcannoli(未知客队球迷):伊布这是变年老了15岁以后
又回米兰了么…(Zlatan has came back to milan 15 years younger.)

英超联赛
Tweazz(皇马球迷):嗨,米兰,咱们能用一条闪亮亮的威尔士大龙来换你们的小可爱么?(Hey milan can i interest you in a shiny welsh dragon in return for the pew pew boi?)
PLkasvz(国米球迷):可以和咱们二弟换吗?(How about our Icardi?)
英超联赛
GetZucc(AC米兰球迷):我是个单纯的男人,看到皮扬特克进球,我就已硬了…(I am a simple man, I see a Piątek goal, I erect.)
BjarniErlingur(曼联球迷):伊瓜因再次为一个更好的先锋献祭了…(Higuain was sacrificed again for the greater good.)
英超联赛
二弟未进场,国米2-1桑普多利亚Cerozz(国米球迷):我花了80%的时光,等于为了在观众席上找到旺达和伊卡尔迪…(We’re gonna spend 80% of the time watching the camera operator point to Icardi and Wanda on the stands…)
GuillermoElPapa(尤文球迷):如今国米每一粒进球,都是对旺达言论最有力的回击!(every goal they score is an argument against whatever Wanda’s going to say tonight.)
英超联赛
逆转取胜,拜仁3-2奥格斯堡Tyrath(拜仁球迷):拜仁这不丢球的时光,还没我在床上坚持的时光长呢!(Even I last longer in bed than our clean sheet.)
DieNullMussStehen(沙尔克04球迷):拜托你们了,利物浦老铁,求你们把拜仁淘汰出欧冠吧,如许他们就能用心去争夺德甲冠军了!(Over to you, LFC. Knock Bayern out of the CL so they can focus on the league please<3)



英超联赛
QCHICK(拜仁球迷):我特么在踢利物浦之前都看了些甚么
!(what the fuck did I see in the match before Liverpool.)
H10711(未知客队球迷):切实这是机智的卡瓦奇下的一步大棋,经由过程有意摆烂来麻痹利物浦!(Maybe they are trying to lull Liverpool into a false sense of security. Mind. Games. 230 IQ from Kovac.)

英超联赛
好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为各人播报到这了。本周,精彩的欧冠赛事又将重燃烽火
,让咱们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们愈加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

更多精彩报道,尽在https://apexcrs.com